10. Overpowering smell that comes with changing dirty diapers doesn’t seem that bad to new parents who’ve spent their lives living downwind of Kaukauna.
9. No matter how dumb your kid is, their third grade composition will seem like the work of Shakespeare after you’ve been reading the Post Crescent.
8. Driving around town pointing out all the bars, fun way to teach them to count to over a hundred.
7. No better way to demonstrate to a child the meaning of the phrase “time is money” than plugging quarters into downtown parking meters.
6. They learn a healthy respect for the law by watching their parents drive carefully past police cruisers after they’ve had a couple beers.
5. Children are reminded to eat a healthy breakfast like a bowl of Rice Krispies every time they see Mayor Hanna who has started looking like Snap, Crackle and Pop’s grandfather.
4. Number of bars that have darts, pool, foosball, ski-ball and illegal gambling machines makes it feel like there’s a Chuck E. Cheese but without an underpaid kid in a stinky rat costume on nearly every block.
3. If they’re nearly beaten to death, Appleton’s mayor WILL count it as a violent crime.
2. Reading Outagamie County signs supporting Scott Walker good way to teach children how to NOT spell the word “governor”.
1. The Catholic church transferring fewer rapey priests to the area.