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jun 30th
RICK'S TOP TEN VACATION PLANS


RICK’S VACATION PLANS

10. Going to do his part for the Green Bay Packers by nightly driving Letroy Guion home from the club.

9. Will once again celebrate Independence Day by shooting bottle rockets out of his ass but, unlike last year, this time he'll put them in facing the right direction.

8. He'll try to prove to Len that he can too count the EXACT number of orange barrels from Oconto to Omro.

7. He's going to call and write his congressman to show his support for new legislation that will replace the death penalty with a much worse punishment of making convicted murders spend 6 months as Trump’s Press Secretary.

6. He'll try to clear his good name by finally finding the one-armed man who killed his wife.

5. He's gonna personally model the thong he knitted himself using hair from Mayor Jim Schmitt's eyebrows and Alderman Guy Zima's taint stubble.

4. He'll be picking up a new tape measure to see exactly how far 500 yards is from Channel 5's Brittney Falkers.

3. He's going to be shopping for a silver barbell stud tiny enough for his new Prince Albert piercing.

2. Finally naming his hemorrhoid.

1. Just hanging around at Washington Middle School cowering from 12-year-olds.